i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
