Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize