I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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