be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
