His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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