i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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