I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
