My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Enjoy the penises
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
