: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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