p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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