you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You smell like stripper and shame
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He better not be in your backpack
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize