I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
