I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
