I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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