I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
