New low: just hacked my moms facebook
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
