I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
