he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
