There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize