My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
