dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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