I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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