he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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