I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
