using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
