Banned from zoo.
Again?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
