Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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