life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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