You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
