So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
