remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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