I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
