i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
