If i come over, it means nothing
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize