I wannas sexs uuuuu
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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