apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
