Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
