I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's like heaven, but drunker
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
