She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
