and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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