ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
