i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
