GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
