Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You made out with two different species that night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
