She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
