How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
