i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
