Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
