While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
