I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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