Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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