Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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