You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why is your signature on my underwear?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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