What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
