I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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