Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
