I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
