At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
