Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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