I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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