That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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