it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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