This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
