Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
