Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize