Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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