I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
