I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
