Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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