After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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