I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
