I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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