i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
