about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize