I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
