well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
