i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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