Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
