Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
