she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
