Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize