I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
