I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
