I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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