im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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