my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
