explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
