I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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