mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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