i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
