1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
