NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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