Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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