these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
