do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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