Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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