so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
