It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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