haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
