Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize