you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
