The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
