Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
